After a year of marriage, here's what I learned. 

By Henry Adeleye on December 11, 2015 

Sachel Samone Photography

Sachel Samone Photography

So, it's been a whole year since saying "I do".  It seems like yesterday we were going through all the planning and making sure we were ready to take on this huge endeavor.  Somehow a year passed by and we're both, surprisingly, still alive.  You'll learn a lot about your partner and even more about yourself during your first year of marriage.  You'll learn what irks you and what you do that irks them (just don't keep doing it to piss them off).  You'll learn there will be a ton of great times as you begin to build your futures together. Here are a few more things you'll also learn:   

   

Living together is the most different part. 

After that it's pretty much the same.  So, if you're already living with your future spouse, not too much will change after you're wedding day.    

 

You'll want each other's happiness as much as your own.  

In a good marriage, you will truly want to ensure your husband or wife's happiness and won't feel like you're giving up your own happiness to do it.  It will actually make you more happy to see them happy. Happy wife, happy life (or something like that).  

 

You'll learn to split household tasks. 

Maybe you're good at doing dishes and cleaning the bathroom, and she likes to vacuum.  Even if you're not good at anything in particular, now is a good time to pick up a new skill.  Because no one wants to feel like they're doing everything themselves.  Work as a team.   

  

It's easier to build when you have someone to build with and for.  

You'll be super motivated to help craft a great life for each other.   

 

A lot of weekends you'll just want to chill and do nothing.  

Maybe it's just a sign of getting older, but after a long work week you'll be craving Netflix and Chill, rather than running away from it.   

 

You'll start going everywhere together.  

Because you're joined at the hip and stuff. When you're finishing each other's sentences, then you know it's real.

 

But you'll still want to do some things alone or with your own friends. 

Even though it'll feel kind of weird at first, you'll still need a life outside your marriage. 

 

You'll become more patient about some things, but less patient about others.  

Like her driving, and like arguments. 

 

On that note, you'll squash arguments faster.  

Before, you could just go partying with your friends and deal with issues later. But something about being around each other all the time will make staying mad feel like being a prisoner in your own home. And you'll want to just go ahead and post bail. 

  

Trust is key.  

Looking over each other's shoulders, adding each other's friends on social media so you can secretly stalk their pages. Those were things that were "acceptable" early on. But when you're married, you'll learn that trust is the only thing that's acceptable.   

 

You still have to date each other. 

She still likes flowers, cheesecake, and spontaneous coffee dates.  He still likes whatever it is guys like. (Beer?) 

 

You'll both form some bad habits that you'll have to resist. 

Like watching Love and Hip Hop.   

 

You'll spend one too many nights eating dinner in front of the TV. 

Try to resist this as well. Dinner is a good time to catch up on each other's days.   

 

You'll forget how to do some of the things you used to do every day when you were single.  

Like tie your own shoes.  

 

You'll become everyone's go-to couple for double-dates.  

You'll also somehow become the go-to relationship "expert". 

 

How to budget. 

At least one of you has to be responsible with money. 

 

What you think is obvious isn't obvious.  

Communication is key.  And there still isn't a mind-reading app (yet). 

  

Your priorities can make or break everything.  

Hopefully you make each other your top priority. 

 

It's more important to find common ground than to get your way. 

Compromise is something you'll need if you want it to last. 

 

You'll grow both individually and together. 

You'll discover your passions and you'll also become passionate about each other, discovering new things together. 

 

You'll know whether your marriage is headed in the right direction or not. 

Do everything in your power to make sure it's headed in the right direction, but if it's not, you'll know it. But don't fret. This is the perfect time to straighten things out. 

 

You'll never be done learning.   

Marriage is like a class that never ends. Except it's fun, unlike real class.   

 

Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. 

Lastly, marriage isn't about equality.  It's about giving yourself completely to each other.  You don't say "I love you" only if she says it first.  If you're not giving 100%, why even do it?  When both of you give your all, you both can have it all.  And that's the key to many more years together.   

Posted
AuthorHenry Adeleye
CategoriesRelationships